Dangerous Dave and the Foo Fighters Escapade.

Things are all a bit mad today. It's Thursday. I've flown over to the UK to sit in on a studio session in rural North Yorkshire, followed by catching a couple of gigs in London with a mad man called Dave Johnson. Dave is a journalist in his spare time but his main job is getting steaming pissed and starting fights. Maybe that should be the other way around. {?} Anyway, we're standing in some Camden doss house venue when my phone rings. 'You need to get a flight in the morning Ian. MJ are opening for the Foo Fighters in 48 hours time. OK, better stay focused and work out what needs organizing prior to Saturday. Dave informs me that he couldn't get tickets for the recent Wembley gig. A drunken moment of brotherly love causes me to invite him back to Stockholm with me in the morning.

This was something of a rash decision. I've traveled with Dave on several occasions and it never goes well. On the first occasion I had invited him to join us for Le Mans 24 hour race. He drank 6 cans of Stella for breakfast,locked the keys in the car TWICE, thew up in the Cafe Du Opera, and made friends with a German gay bear who, due to Davids constant paralytic state, he hadn't quite realized was now intent on shagging him, even if it meant burglary.
The second time we went to the Nobel Peace Prize presentation in Oslo. For some bizarre reason we got asked if we wanted to interview Tom Cruise, who was presenting it that year. Dave spent a couple of focused hours formulating his questions, nearly all of which related to being short or wearing platform shoes. He then succeeded in getting us thrown out of the roughest bar in Oslo and drank a litre of blue label vodka on a 90 minute flight. And now he's coming to Stockholm. Oh, yes, and he managed to fall off a staircase in a hotel and land on the table of some well mean Russian dudes, who proceeded to take him to the toilets and flushed his head down the pan. Going on assignment with Dave Johnson is not a straight forward thing.

So far so good. The only thing that has happened is that the bus from the airport caught fire and we then sat on the side of the road for an hour until another one came to collect us. Pretty minor, all considered. It's Friday night and tomorrow my bunch of young signings get to walk the boards with the biggest band on the planet. I'm pretty fucking chuffed. I must say. Dave and I head to my local and get a plank steak and a few pints. All passes pretty much without incident, other than David telling some loud voice pensioner to shut up her yacking and being told to 'go fuck himself'' in return.

It's Saturday morning and I've just walked into H&M, bought new jeans, boots, and shirt, and walked out in them, leaving my old ones in the changing room. Dunno why, it was just that kind of day.

We arrive at the 80,000 plus venue and get fucked about by a twat called Robin who works for Luger, the event organizers. Finally I get my passes and manage to blag Dave onto the press list, although he has no intention of doing anything other than drinking and falling down. It's a very jolly day, not least because the FF catering tent has more in common with the royal enclosure at Ascot. Breakfast, lunch and dinner cooked by Swedish chefs and a free cigarette machine that Dave empties in about 2 minutes. My lot get the crowd going and it's a blast to watch it from the side of the stage. The rest of the day is then spent schmoozing in the backstage bar with the gorgeous Maja Rapp, whom I predict will be the President of Europe in a couple of decades time. Nicke from the Hives comes and has a chat, as does Dregen and Nick from the Backyard Babies. It then gets a bit wobbly. Some arrogant little spud I won't name, except that he's called Nalle, gets right on my beak and I end up slapping his pudgy face.
He slopes off but returns with the cops and accuses me of assaulting him. What a mummys boy!! Dave attempts to get involved but thankfully takes the hint to fuck right off, and I convince the cops that Nalle is totally drunk and fell into my hand when he stumbled on am old tent post hole in the grass. Nalle is screaming his face off that I am lying , which I am, but the cops take a look at him staggering about and give me the benefit of the doubt, albeit with a warning to behave myself.

We retire backstage and run into the recently arrived Dave Grohl. He's a lovely fella and the most unpretentious dude on the planet. However, despite Mr G's warmth and hospitality, Dave can't resist sneaking into Dave Grohl's dressing room and stealing two bottles of Chateau Pirie 68.



Neither can Oskar, MJs guitarist who then steals Dave Grohl's leather Converse boots. I am unaware of these acts of theft until Dave Grohl walks out on stage at Hurricane festival and dedicates the next song to 'The fucking bastard who stole my boots last night' and Dave Johnson, already loaded down with 50 packs of Lucky Strikes, produces two 300 dollar bottles of wine in my kitchen at 4 am. However, it was blinding stuff. Going on past events, this was one of the more passive
Dangerous Dave encounters. Amen to that.

The Ghost of John Lennon and Prostitutes on Toast

Raining Rock n Roll,

Molotov Jive never need much encouragement to go to Hamburg. The place rocks like very few others, and once more we are heading for the airport.. Everyone is fit and ready to go. All except MJ video director, Emil, who was drinking wine until 7 am that morning and is currently looking somewhat ragged around the edges.

We arrived at Skavsta just over an hour before the flight. That is usually plentry of time. However today seems to be very busy and it is not long before we suddenly have a problem. It's 15 minutes to the closing of check-in and there is about 20 people in front of us. The check in desk in dealing with all destinations so many of them are checking in for much later flights and to other places. To make matters worse, directly infont of us is a family party with around 10 people plus 4 baggage trollys that are holding the entire contents of their house. They must have 20 cases! Theirs is not going to be a quick check in. 9 minutes to go. There is nothing for it. We go to the front and ask if we can jump the queue. Thankfully they are really nice about it and agree to let us go next. Wouldn't you just know it! The 2 guys currently checking in are over weight with one of their cases and decide to have an argument with the check-in girl.. 6 minutes to go.

We finally check in with a few minutes to spare. We even have time for a quick beer in the deaprture lounge and run into Markus, guitarst with Stompin Souls and drummer with Friskor Vilior. Markus is very pleasant guy and somewhat amusing company. Stompin Souls are playing the Kaiserkeller with MJ tonight. Markus doesn't know where it is, who else is playing or how he is getting there. After tonights gig he is on tour with Friskor for 2 weeks. Someone asks him who has booked the tour. He then spends the next 30 minutes trying to remember what his booking agency is. Its all rather amusing. He's more disorganized than Anton!! Now that is Disorganized.

An hour and ten minutes later we start to decend through the clouds towards Lubek. Emil and myself are seated together near the wing and are chatting about nothing inparticular as we continue to come down through the white clouds. We are both looking out of the window and waiting for our first sight of Northern Germany. It seems to be taking a long time. Emil notes that either were are decending very slowly or the cloud is very low today. Suddenly were are through it. Jesus Christ! Were are only a 200 metres above the trees! We hit the ground with a solid thump, much harder and faster than usual it seems.

For the next hour were are going to be at the centre of a comedy sketch straight out of Fawlty Towers. Last time we arrived at Lubek there were not enough buses to take everyone the 70 kilometres to Hamburg. We sat impatiently on the bus while the driver had big argument with members of a Korean orchestra who were insiting they be allowed on the bus. The bus company eventually ordered them taxis.

Surpise surprise! We encounter the exact same thing. There are 20 plus people angrily demanding they should be on the bus. 30 minutes goes by while the driver messes about trying to organize another bus. He climbs on board and asks if anyone has left a grey bag on the side walk. No one claims it and he goes back outside to continue getting his ass kicked by the mob. 45 minutes has now gone by and everyone is getting angry we are not going anywhere. Finally it all seems to be sorted out. He gets back on the bus and once more inquires if any of the passengers own the grey bag that is sitting on the sidewalk.

Once again, no one claims it. He then mentions that it has drum sticks in the side pocket.

Markus suddenly sits up and looks out of the window. It had 2 weeks worth of clothes, his passport and money in it. What a muppet!

The driver then proves he is also a muppet and starts to drive off with the luggage doors still open. After almost an hour we finally begin to move. We get 300 metres and then stop again. And now the crowning glory of The Idiotbus Co. A second bus is on its way to collect the other passenger. Only the bus driver does not know the route from Lubek airport to Hamburg. Our bus has been told to wait for him to arrive so it can follow our bus. One of the German passengers informs us what is happening and their air fills with angry sighs and swearing. The driver seems to realise he is going to have a riot on his hands and decided to pay one of the local taxi drivers to accompany the second bus and show the driver the way to Hamburg. Finally, after over an hour, we get moving.

So hear we are at the legenday Kaiserkeller. It is a great place. A big basment club in Grosse Freiheit were the Beatles played 3 sets a night for up to 7 hours and provided the background music for drunken sailors to fight to. Time is moving on and , after greeting our friends Felix and Dennis, MJ hurridly prepare for a soundcheck. Oskar has his new weapon of choice. A 1968 Hagrstom guitar and he clearly cannot wait to get it cranked up and making a big noise. The sound in the club is great and the adrenalin is now being pumped up for a great night. We greet the rest of Stompin Souls, who had arrived the day before, and then MJ sit down with Hartwig, Maja & Isa from MJs German website. Interview soon to be posted there I guess. Emil and myself leave them too it and go and have a beer down at Schlemmer Ek. By 20.30 Anton and Johan have joined us there to conduct 2 magazine interviews, and at 22.00 we head back to the Kasierkeller to watch The Stompin's. They are a great live band. Thomas has a Jim Morrison thing going on and it is great pop garage sound. They have a good show and by the time they finish the KK is gettting close to being full.

MJ have a new intro and a new set. Most of the album is there, plus new songs, Paint the City Black and Song for the Fallen Apart. It is a great show. The sound totally rocks and the boys have turned the lever from stun to kill. Its great to see so many of the hardcore Mollies have turned up from all over Germany. I think it one of the best gigs I have seem them do. All the touring is paying off. The crowd are crazy and loud and the band put on an energy charged and furious gig. Just before the end of the set little Anton from 1000 Robota, decided to climb on stage and grab the mic. He is really pissed and, although he thinks it's funny, The Bean ain't too happy to have his space inavaded. Unfortunaltey for little Anton, the security did not find it funny and threw him out of the club. Pretty dumb move as 1000 Robota were due to play next. MJ finished the set in style before Anton starts the encore with Hold Me Tight Like a Gun,before running through Sorry to Call and Friday Im in Love. By the end, the place is going crazy and MJ really brought the house down. The guys take five before doing the last press and media of the day, and its getting to on towards party time.

As it is now 1 a.m we deside it might be sensible to go and check in to our hotel before everyone gets so wasted they cannot find it. Felix and Dennis informed us it was the best hotel in Hamburg and I have to say they were not wrong about that. The Moevenpick Hotel is quite something. It is a converted water tower standing in the middle of a public park. It is very space age with moving walkways and crazy modern art pieces everywhere. I check the band in first and the attempt to check in myself and Emil. What is with check-ins today? They cannot find our reservation. I am tired and not in the mood to mess about. I inform the consierge I am going to have a cigarette in the bar and whn I come back he will have sorted it out. He starts saying ths might not be possible. I inform him that he doesn't undestand what I am saying. He will have sorted it out by the time I get back. He seems to get the message the second time and , sure enough, by the time I return we have a room. Once again it is very cool with amazing views of the park and glass walls between the bed room and the bathroom. Ten minutes later we are once more in a taxi and returning to St Pauli. First stop Lunacy and some famous white Russians.

Stompins join us, accompanied by Felix, Dennis and our booking agent Bibo, It is not long before the party gets started and we finally move on to The Molotov Club amd meet up with some fans. Emil starts everone off on vodka shots and it is not long before everything beyond this point becomes a blur. I leave MJ at around 3.30 am. The next morning they infom me they left at 6.am.

We meet for breakfast and, in keeping with this excellent hotel, it is a huge and delicious meal, accompanied by bottles of Krug champange. Thank you to the Reeperbahn Festival. By mid day we are all half pissed again but it fights off the expected hangovers.

We check out. Emil has stolen the rubber duck from the bathroom! We head to Hauptbahnhof and Anton finds some comfy lounge chairs chanined to a lamp post, just a few meters from the airport bus. It's a strange thing to find but most welcome. We buy some cold bottles of Astra, park ourselvves in the chairs for an hour a amuse each other with jokes from Rick Gervais's genius show,Extras, and sing the Spider Pig song from The Simpson movie. As we board the bus for the ride to Lubek, Thomas, Calle and Henke from Stompin's show up. We tell the driver they are trouble causing drunks and not to let them on the bus. Its afar more pleasant drive back to Lubek. It's the first time the bands have met each other and they all seem to get on great. Henke then creates a big laugh when he produces Markus's bag once more. He is now setting off on a european tour with Friskor Viljia, except his passport, keys and money were on their way back to Stockholm. Earth Calling Markus! Earth Calling Markus! There is time for a couple more cold beers in the airport bar and then its back home. Johnny and I carry on with some whiskeys on the flight. We are quite smashed by the time we arrive back in Stockholm but, hey! No point in going to Hamburg and not making the most of it.

The MJ European tour kicks off on Oct 31st and this was a great day to start the ball rolling. Lots of press and TV, a great gig, and ,as always, great fans and hospitality.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/plan9management/blog#ixzz0wDpLFsdN

I'm from Germany!! Isn't that Weird?

May 16th .

For the second time in 2 months the MJ band wagon set off south in search of bratwurst, cheap beers and smiling fans. Bags packed and ipods set to stun. Stockholm was last night and we are now heading 640 kmtrs to Malmo with stinking hangovers. Not the nicest way to spend the day I can assure you. Having teeth pulled out would have been preferable to this.

The new Debaser Malmo is certainly a good looking place. It has only been open 2 weeks and still smells of fresh paint and new wood, or at least it did when we arrived. SPF have arrived 30 minutes earlier and its pretty easy evening. The crowd is great, the sound rocks and everyone is smiling. It also has the coolest dressing room décor in Sweden, although it might give you a headache if you stayed in there too long. Playing with SPF has become pretty easy. Everyone knows where the lines are drawn and it is always a pleasure to see them and hang out.



May 17th. Travel Day.

Back to our second home. Hamburg, St Pauli,. City of rock history, cheap beer, and more rock n roll excess than you could possible need. We love it. As many people know, Hamburg St Pauli is one of the worlds famous liberty ports. For 200 years the sailors of the world have docked on the river Elbe and made St Pauli their own. Most cities of the world have a crest or a coat of arms. Maybe a shield, two rampant horses, and a crown. Some majestic symbol that proudly displays events in its history. St Pauli's crest is the pirates flag. A scull and crossed bones. Pirate flags hang from every apartment balcony. Every second person you see is wearing it on their shirt, on the back of their jacket, or has it painted on the side of their camper van. The funniest example we saw, was the bus used by St Pauli's football team. Bundesliege 2. It's black, with the pirate flag on the front and sponsored by Jack Daniels and Astra Bier. St Pauli is so punk rock its unreal.

The day ends like it always does in this town. Sitting in Rosies bar at 3.am The DJ looks like Mr Spock from Star Trek and plays a fantastic set that goes from the Sex Pistols to Wagner. It will be back to pulling teeth out again when tomorrow comes.



May 18th. We bid farewll to Felix , our friend and host from Turbonegros label Bitzcore Records, and head off down the autobahn to Bad Bentheim. Where? Yes, even the Germans were saying this. BB is close to the Dutch border. On our last tour we met a very pleasant gentleman by the name of Johan Bardenhorst and he has arranged this gig at a local venue he promotes. We arrive in Bentheim around 4pm and immediately begin to wonder what this show will be like. The streets are like some ancient spanish village. Tight, narrow, and twisting. Almost too thin for the bus to travel down. The venue is the towns Kulturehaus. The concert room was about the size of my living room and had a PA system designed for a room 10 times bigger. My god it was loud! Johan looks after us in the way that we have come to realise is the way of all the Germans we have met. Nothing is too much trouble. The cooler is never less than full, the dinner is excellent, and we get a wonderful surprise when Isa, one of the fans we met on the SPF tour, turns up with a home made chocolate torte in the shape of a guitar. She's travelled six hours on the train with it. The next nice surprise is the arrival of our friend Marion from Cologne. She's as wacky as a box full of frogs and, true to her character, sets up hair salon in the dressing room and does the bands hair. Why? We have no idea but that's why we all like her so much. Expect the unexpected.



The gig is fun, if far too loud for the venue, but it's a good start. Lots of merch gets sold and we finally head of to the hostel. Much to our amusement we are sleeping in an windmill.




As usual, this is always the time of the night when things get stupid. It starts with Oskar trying to flick people with a towel. Within seconds a table of beer bottles has hit the hard tiled floor and were are slipping around in beer and glass. Johnny jumps from the top bunk and captures Anton in a duvet cover which he spend the next 2 minutes trying to find a way out of. Johnny goes to the bathroom and gets a trash bin full of water {and trash} thrown at him when he comes out. We all then decide to run down the corridors and collect as many toilet rolls as possible and turn Anton in to the Mummy. No one notices Oskar pour 2 litres of water into my bed. Oh how I laughed!!!



May 19th. Munster.

Breakfast is a little uncomfortable. Mainly because the rest of the guests seemed to be made up of happy clappy christians. They stare at us with the narrow eyes of disapproval. It was either disapproval or they were all unable to use the bathrooms due to no toilet paper. We eat quickly and disappear before we are burned as witches. Bad Bentheim looks like it has probaaly burned a few over the years. Best not to take the risk.

Munster is only a short 90 minutes drive. It's the weekend of their annual student carnival and we are informed that Munster is one of Germanys biggest univeristy cities. It also has more bicycles than China!! Once again we find the venue and wonder about the gig. It is in some kind of old railway yard just behind the city centre. It seems so hidden everyone starts to ask themselves if anyone will find it. As it was such a short journey we have the whole afternoon to chill. It's a warm sunny day and there is no stress. We camp out next to the bus, kick a football, catch some sun, and finish off last nights beers. Oskar is leaning into the bus to find something. He is wearing no shirt and I cannot help but notice his white Calvin Kliens above his belt. I also cannot help notice the 2 litre bottle of Evian water standing by the van. Revenge time I think.

* Remover lid
* Check it is nice and cold
* Ram it down the back of Oskar's Calvin Kleins

It took him a few seconds to work out what was happening and when he finally stopped running around the parking lot and pulled it out, there was maybe one quarter left. Oh how I laughed!!!

Anton discovers a guitar shop a few hundred metres from the club so while Oskar is in the bushes changing his underwear, we decided to check out a few guitars. One hour later Anton is dancing around the carpark with his new Fender Jaguar. He informs us it is called Bruce Lee.

Being the 2 football fans , Anders and I have been searching for a bar in which to watch the FA Cup final between Chelsea and Manchester United. Anders finally locates one and we rush off to see the game. We spend the rest of the afternoon bored to tears by the most boring foorball game in histroy. What an anti climax. We return to the club at 9.15, having had dinner in the city centre, and find a big queue sitting in the evening sunshine. The promotor cannot believe it. Being the cities annual student weekend, there are lots of events going on in town and he admitts he wasn't expecting much of a turn out. It is one of the best MJ gigs ever. The crowd are mad for it and bouncing up and down from the first strum of Bruce Lee.



Sun 20th May.

After breakfast with Evo, the promotor, we take an easy drive back to Hamburg. We have a few days off now before Berlin and then the Hamburg show, so most have an easy night. Felix takes us on a tour of some of Hamburgs famous music bars. Did I say and easy night? Well, easy for Hamburg maybe.

The next 2 days is taken up with sleeping, myspacing, postering, working from Bitzcores office, er…more drinking, and finally a nice dinner in an Italian Restaurant.

Felix and Dennis from Bitzcore are cool guys. We decide Felix looks like Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Dennis looks like Bart Simpson at 30 years old. They are great company and Anton informs them that the Swedes have a word for people like them. Fire Souls. They do everything with heart and passion. I think they like this more an 'Shaggy' and 'Bart'




Wed 23rd May.

It's the day of the Berlin gig and everyone is feeling good. All except The Bean who has come down with some kind of influenza due to little sleep, hundreds of cigarettes and 100 litres of beer in the last 5 days. It is a warm day and not the best weather for traveling with a fever. By the time we get to The Magnet Club he is looking like merry death himself. We meet Bibo, the booker and all immediately like her. Also on the bill are the Far Cries and The Michelles. We hang out with the Far Cries for a while. They are from London and seem friendly and easy going.

The gig is fun. Although it is no surprise that Anton found it hard work. Never the less MJ only drop one song to save his voice and it is another well received show.

The promotor immediately takes him to his bed and he is under orders to get some rest before Hamburg. He's clearly wasted and goes without needing to be forced.

The rest of us decided to hang for a while and have a few drinks. We then discover that there is some kind of Karaoke going on in the bar area. Before too long Johnny and Oskar are pissed and decide to wow the crowd with a few numbers. Its hystrical and shows that Johnny is a good singer as well as a great drummer. First up is Can't Stand Me Now by the Libertines, followed later by an all singing all dancing verison of that on-tour MJ favourite , Grace Kelly, and all accompanied on backing vocals by The Mollies the wonderful and dedicated entourage who are at every gig.

A big suspicion this will appear on youtube at some point as several people were filming it. The evening ends with Johnny, Oskar and myself, sitting in the court yard of our apartment, drinking cold beers and talking about nothing very much. Just as we are about to call it a night we are suddently confronted by a very strange sight. Anton is wandering around the court yard dressed in his velvet jacket , Chelsea boots and underwear. He informs us he is looking for the bathroom but he appears to be sleep walking. A surreal end to the day.





Thursday 24th May.

We have breakfast with Bibo, Florian, her boyfriend, and Steffie, her business partner. She has the coolest apartment you could imagine and serves up a fabulous breakfast of ham and eggs, cheese, salami, and rubarb jam. That was new expereince! At 1pm we head back to Hamburg for the last German show until the fall. Anton is looking much better and seems to have shaken his fever too. Before we have got 50 ks from Berlin we suddenly encounter a worrying situation. There has been a big accident on the autobahn and we are caught in 15 kilometres of stationary traffic.An hour goes by and it looks doubtful we will make Hamburg for the 4.30pm load-in. After a while we decide to leave the autobahn at the next exit and try to find an alternate route. It seemed like a good idea until we realised everyone else had thought the same. We then spent the next 90 minutes in an equally slow moving traffic jam on a tiny back road. We call Felix. He checks it out on the internet and informes us where the accident is. More by luck than good map reading we manage to rejoin the autobahn just after the crash and once more get moving. It is 3,30pm and we stll have 200ks to go. At 6.45 we pull up outside the Logo in Hamburg, tired, stressed, and soaked in sweat. There are already fans outside and we quickly load in the equipment and set up in record time. It is only 75 minutes to doors.

Molotov are done by 7.30 and , after a quick wash and brush up, everyone chills with yet more cold beers. The ticket sales are good and the blood is rushing for a great gig. Support tonight comes from our friends 1000 Robota and fellow Swedish band The Bondage Faries. 1000 Robota are fun. 18 year old Hamburgers we have met here before, Arctic Monkeys in German and lots of fun. I love their song Fuck the Driving School.

Bondage Faries are a whole different ball game. 2 guys who wear some kind of mutant Star wars helmets and perform to a backing track whilst playing bass and guitar. Their backdrop says DEATH BY PENIS. Very tatseful. Felix has signed them to Bitzcore and informs me they are Nihlist Gameboy Punk, what ever the fuck that is? Its fun for a while. By 10pm theres a good crowd and they are clearly up for it tonight. The show is great. Great sound, good lights, very loud, and a great show from the band. A great way to finish this short tour. The merch is selling well and it is smiles all around. Time to hit the aftershow party.



Back to St Pauli and its down to the very well named bar. Lunacy. The best White Russians in Germany.Everything after this point is a little hazy.

Lots of friends and fans, lots of drinking, and loads of MJ from the DJ. Johnny and Oskar are the last to bed as always. 8.am.

Its morning once more and the prospect of 7 hours back to Malmo is not nice one. Only Anders looks even half healthy and does great job of doing the whole drive. We arrive back in Malmo around 7.30pm and enjoy pizza infront of the second Lord of The Rings movie before almost crawling to bed. Germany does that to you.



Sat 26th May.

Today we are on the final show. The Siesta Festival just outside Helsingborg. It's the last show until they Arctic Monkeys supports. The drive is only 70 minutes and we arrive early and in great weather. Also on the bill is Ed Harcourt, Sahara Hotnights, Shout Out Louds, The Concretes, and loads of others. Molotovs show time is 3pm on the Chilli Stage. Festivals are always a bit more hassle to play as there is never any real sound check and people are moving from stage to stage all the time.

However, the show is great fun and quite chaotic. Anton trashed half the stage at one point, Johnny knocked over most of the microphones around his drums and the audience loved every minute. By 4.30, we have everything back in the bus. The hard work is over and all that is left to do is gather all the toys, paintings, letters, and messages that are stuck to the outside of the bus… oh yes, and get drunk in the sunshine.



Sunday 27th May.

Today is going to be a comedy but we don't know this yet. Neither will we laugh very much. The band get to bed around 3.30 am and had not realised we had to be out of the hotel by 10.am. By the time we get to the bus at 11.am no one feels sober enough to drive yet.

The cops are always very keen on the day after festivals and everyone is worried about getting behind the wheel. The Swedish law is very hard on drink driving and the cops are not known for there polite smiling faces. Oskar decided he will drive but he wants a breath test first to make sure he is OK. We walk 30 minutes in to the town to find the police station. Its closed!! We finally decided that the walk there and back will have done the job and by mid day we finally set off the 520 kilometres back to Stockholm. Now, we have been pretty pleased with ourselves on this tour. We have not taken many wrong turns, and on the few occasions we have, we have found another route that lost us no time.

30 minutes after setting off we suddenly realise we are going east rather than north east. It is decided that turning around is probably a waste of time and that we will soon see a sign for somewhere we recognise. Two and a half hours later we are still heading east until we reached Kalmar. For those of you whose geography is cleary as rubbish as ours, Siesta festival is on the west coast of Sweden and about 70 kilometres from Malmo on the southern tip of the country. Kalmar is about 90 kilometres from the southern tip of Sweden on the east coast!! It's the Homer Simpson syndrome again. Doh! We finally find the road north but, unlike the E4 freeway, it is more like a country road. It takes us more than 3 hours to do 175 ks. By 6.pm we have made it to Norrkoping, still 170 ks from Stockholm. Luckily we managed to find the freeway again at this point and with rocket Johnny Handsome behind the wheel once more, our lead footed drummer man got us back to Stockholm by 7.30pm.

It is points like this that you say Never Again, but you know it is not true. You just need sleep and a good dinner. 3500 kilometres in 9 days is tough on anyone, especially with shows and parties at every stop.

Next stop . Artic Monkeys support. More festivals and then back to Germany with the album finally in the stores. 2007 in going to carry on being a Molotov blast. Watch this space.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/plan9management/blog#ixzz0wDkTuT2T

Alex Turner is al'reet.

Supporting big bands can be a hard days work. Ego and attitude are often never far from the surface and if the main act don't blank you, their crew often do. They can make your lives a misery. You cannot touch anything, they talk down to you, and even the most genuine of questions is answered in a manner that would suggest you have really f****d up their day.

We walked in to the arena at 4.30pm and found it hard not to feel quite awe struck by the size of the production. The venue was bigger than a football pitch but the real eye opener was the sheer scale of the the stage and rig. Who are we opening for tonight? It must be Muse or Queen or maybe The Who. But its not. It's a straight up indie guitar rock n roll combo from Yorkshire England. Fred Perry shirts, Converse sneakers and cheap jeans off the local market. Jesus, these boys have come along way fast. Put your helmets on and get ready for the egos. The thing was, it just didn't happen like that. Welcome to the strange and ego-less world of The Arctic Monkeys

Alex and Jamie are having a bit of one on one with a football, kicking 40 metre balls arcoss the floor. Then Tim, the productiuon manager, appears. The only person with more power than Tim is God.
He can make life easy or he can make it hard. But Tim is a typical Yorkshire man. Friendly , straight to the point, and says it how it is. " You load in from that side of the stage, you load out from that side." He points right then left. " These guys are your crew for tonight. They will get you anything you need." He introduces us to two more of the team.

Scott appears, radio crackling on his hip, cheaper jeans than Alex and Jamie. 'Ello Lovers'
Not the greeting we were expecting from the tour manager. An hour later we are sitting in our dressing room eating fresh strawberries and drinking ice cold Heineken export in bottles. {the only way to drink it} We are still getting used to the stage. It's f****** gigantic. As for the lighting rig? It looks like it took 50 people a week to build it.

Frost and Tom appear {MJs front of house sound man and on-stage sound man} Until one hour ago they had never laid their eyes on their working equipment for tonight. Its uber hi tech and complicated to say the least. Artics team have spent time talking them though it, showing them the tricks, and making sure they are totally happy with their tools. They could be eating dinner or catching a couple of hours sleep.

Molotov Jive have a fabulous show and the crowd are mad for it. A/Ms sound man sits in with Frost, just in case he needs to know something quickly. Nothing was too much trouble for this crew. Mj finish their set and the gear is off the stage in 3 minutes. They go to do press and A/Ms people have it packed properly and in the elevator in 5 more minutes.
Scott comes to find everyone. 'Ello Lovers. If every support to the Monkeys were as professional and sussed as Molotov Jive, my life would be a hell of a lot easier. Well done guys and a F***** pleasure to have you here with us"

We go out to watch the Arctic Monkeys. They are amazing. Simple, edgy, powerful, full of charisma. The thing is, they make it look like its no effort. The sound and lights are simply off the scale. But its not easy, there are 30 people making this happen. Upstairs are 3 portable offices. Each one full of computers and people sat over them. It's a big thing to move around each day.

If anyone ever wonders why this band have gone so big, its not difficult to see. They seem to breed good will and their crew love them to bits. Egos seem to be left somewhere else, everyone treats everyone else with respect, and , at the end of ther day, everyone just wants to make and hear good rock n roll.

A/Ms crash down into the end of the last song and we head off for an aftershow party. I see Scott standing by the stage. He looks at me and smiles. 'Good ain't they?"

He really was not joking

Grace Kelly and the Pirate Bus

Day One.

It is along way from Stockholm to Hamburg but the bus is full of DVDs and playstation games so lots to keep everyone occupied for the journey. Squadron leader Annersand has been leading from the front as usual. Having decided that the best way to kill a 30 hour journey was to sleep through most of it, our intrepid leader decided the best plan was to get wasted the night before. However, he had such a good time doing this he woke up in the moring minus his wallet, credit cards and drivers license. We love Anton. You can always expect the unexpected!!

Day Two.

We have been to Hamburg before and love its rock n roll history. Tonights venue is next to the Indira club, the place The Beatles had their first residency before moveing 100 metres up the street to the Star Club. We notice 2 more buses parked over the road and realise Fall Out Boy are in town too. No big deal as we are over sold by more than 100 tickets. There is a touch of nevres in the air from everyone. It is the first show and there have been no production rehersals to test the lights or the stage set up, so the crew are flying blind as well as the bands. No one has any need to worry. By 7.30 the place in so packed the walls are bending outwards. No one, least of all Molotov Jive, were quite prepared for what happned next. The place went crazy. Anton and the boys came out like Mike Tyson and knocked the roof off. The rest of the evening was spent in a slightly drunken haze of Reeperbahn neon as we hopped from bar to bar, finally finding or way back to the bus, now called Guantanamo Bay On Wheels, due to our prision officer type driver who looked like Ned Flanders and hated everyone in a band. He had more stupid rules than a Japanese game show.

Day 3.

We awake in Lingen, somewhere near the Dutch border. Everyone looks as if they slept in a field but within a couple of hours we are all clean , fresh and ready to go again. As we sit in the hostpitality room we can see the crowd beginning to form. Its only 17.00. It looks like it will be another good night. We finally get talking to the show openers, Rafael Weber and his band. Raf is a very talented , slightly shy guy, with some great tunes. His band are made up of his producer Ollie, who always looks like he has slept in a field, Seppes, a complete maniac with more than a passing resemblance to Keith Moon, and Christian, a bass player who decorates the stage each night with Thunderbirds action figures. Its Rafaels first live shows but he is great and grows in confidence as the tour goes by. At 3.am someone mentions that it is the start of summertime and the clock have gone forward one hour. That means it is really 4.am. The big question is, has the bus driver already put his clock forward? We decided not to take the chance and get back to the bus straight away before evil Evil Ned, drives away without us.

Day 4.

We wake up in Cologne and discover tonights venue is a huge old chocolate factory. There is no sign of Charlie or any Oompaloopas, which is sad. Dinner is chicken again.

This is very strange because the show contract states cleary 'No Chicken'. The mystery deepens. Cologne is a senstaional gig for both M-J & SPF and everyone is on a big high as we climb in the bus and head for the aftershow party. Sonny and Cher {Anton and Victor} lead the singing to the song that was to become the signature tune for the tour.

Grace Kelly by Mika. Everyone is having a great time.. all excpet the driver who is shouting for everyone to shut up and stop making a noise. We all ignore him and decide he is in the wrong job.

At 5.am we all stumble back to the bus. Jonas from SPF is so pissed he cannot stand up, Anders from MJ punches Oskar {by mistake} and Anton is already fast asleep with a mustache drawn on his face. We all crash out to the sound of Mika tormenting our brains and a quiet chorus of giggling as everyone has to walk passed Antons bunk before finding their own. Yes, I know what you are thinking. Mika? It might be high camp and very trashy but there was no better feel good tune to go crazy to after a great gig. It's harder to remove from your head than Antons black marker pen mustache was in the morning!!!



Day 6.

We are in Darmstadt. A very nice modern city near Frankfurt. The venue is the biggest on the tour at 1000 capacity. Like Lingen, its modern and well run. The crew are friendly and the food is great. Roast beef in tomato and paprika sauce. The chicken mystery has been solved. When the catering requirments were translated from Swedish to German, No Chicken was written as Only Chicken. Homer Simpson strikes again! Doh!

The show is the craziest yet. The ticket sales were not as big as other shows so the promotors decided there was no need for barriers or big security. Good for us, bad for them. The walk up for tickets at the door is huge and by 21.00 the place is packed. The people infront of the stage are getting crushed and the security men are out of their depth.

The stage divers are getting rough treatment and myself and the promotor have to calm them down. It's their job to keep people safe, not throw them around and scare the shit out of them for having a good time. Anton comes off feeling a little up-tight as the on-stage sound was poor. No so out front. The sound rocked the house and after watching the video footage he's back being his usual loud jumping bean self. Everyone is happy he is happy as it was his best performance so far and it would have been sad if he hadnt been able to share in that. The bus call is 2.am as it is 400 kilometers to Munich. I got to my bunk feeling really proud of the band. They started on a 9 in Hamburg and have managed to improve on this with each gig. Quite something I think. We are on a 9.5 tonight . When is it going to go wrong?

Day 7.

I am awoken at around 9.am by our happy driver diliberately driving over every bump he can find on the road. He looked like Ned Flanders but acted like Mr Burns. I come down stairs for coffee and he tells me with a smile that he has just run over a door that was in the middle of the autobahn. We pay for this for the rest of the tour as the right side suspension is seriously f*****d up after this point. Munich is impressive. I haven't spotted anyone in leather shorts yet but its only 9.30 am. The place looks like it was designed by BMW. Everything is sleek lines, white walls, and black glass. The sun is still low and casts fabulous red shadows between the space age buildings. We could be on Mars.

We arrive at the venue and the space theme continues. Sitting in one corner is a space ship. There is then some debate whether it is an X-wing fighter from Star Wars or an interceptor from Battlestar Gallactica. A fight is avoided. In the other corner is a full size model of Alien. You gotta love those wacky Germans eh!!

I spend my afternoon sitting in some Bavarian clock makers shop, except it wasn't clocks it was guitars. Carl from SPF has trashed two of his Hagstroms and I offer to take them for a quick repair. I sit in the shop and listen to cuckoo clocks chime and whistle. All the time a man in leather shorts is singing songs to himself while he mends the guitars. Periodically he looks up and screams for no apparent reason. . He then bursts out laughing. I smile and try to laugh too but inside Im really scared. He is obviously not well. I look around the walls at the guitars in the store. Which one would I have? Absolutely non of them. They all look like cuckoo clocks with strings. The man finally finishes mending Carls guitars. He crossed the room to test them and trips over a cable, sending him flat on his face. He gets up and laughs like a mad person. I smile and make a mental note of the quickest way to the door.

Back at the venue dinner is being severed. It's chicken!!! {?} No one cares too much this time as we had a change last night. Also, todays serving is made by real chefs brought in from outside. Each meal is bespoke , steamed spring vegetables, chicken fillets in a mushroom and mustard sauce, oven baked sliced potatoes in cheese and taragon sauce, followed by crème brulee, lovingly blow-torched to caramelize the tops.

I notice everyone makes an effort to thank the chefs. It's nice to see and must have made them feel their efforts were appreciated. It's the first time on the tour. The gig is over sold once more. Both bands have security issues tonight. The tour management decide its not wise for any one due to perform to go outside the backstage. The signing sessions are cancelled tonight. Molotov and Sugarplum are very competetive but their friendship is very genuine. I notice how much they push each other and it has really made this tour electric. Once again both bands turn in dynamite performances and the crowd love them both.



2.am the cars arrive to take us all to the Atomic Café for the aftershow. Im the only member of the crew and management who goes. Knoppen, Par, and Frost, are all suffering with a spring fever and decide on an early night. It's my job to get everyone there and get them back. The aftershow is a riot. Christian is on the decks and Mika gets an airing once more. It's like a signal that we can relax and everything that needs to be done is done. I make the bus call at 3.30.am and no one complains. Viktor and Carl are in monkey boy mode, bouncing around the back stage corridors waiting for the cars. Anton appears on a bicycle and proceeds to ride up and down with a girl sitting on the back. It is all a bit surreal.

Day 8.

We wake up in Erlangen. No one has any idea where this is. The venue is another modern kulturehausen/cinema/sportshalle affair. Myslef, Anders, and Johnny take a walk around the city and take some much needed excersize. We come across the offices of the local newspaper and find an article displayed in the window. SPF singer Vikor Norien to play Mick Jagger in new movie. Obviously we all know about this and anyone who knows what Viktor looks like would find it hard not to admit he looks like a young Mick Jagger. Funny then, that the photo to accompany the article is of Carl Norien. Funnier still that the picture of Carl is taken from SPFs current press photo. You know, the one where Viktor {who look just like Mick Jagger}is standing right next to him!!! Homer Simpson stikes again! Doh!

Everyone is suffering the worst hangovers of the tour so far, all expect Anton who is fucked, but not as fucked up as he was after Cologne. He is already in a different league by this point. Knoppen raises the mood by telling us stories of when he lived in West Hollywood. If the guy was not a great tour manager, he has a career on the stage and a comedian. When he tells a story it is like you are there. We go to catering for dinner and get turkey bird curry. The turkey had clearly won many fights before dying. It was as tough as leather and as dry as salt. No one thanks the chef. Knoppen commets that we must all look like asylum seekers.

The show is another success. The crowd barriers have to be held back by the security. We almost have a moment when Antons water got knocked over by a stage diver and poured out all over the electrics on stage. I dive on stage, Oskar reads the situation and jumps clear. I don't want a fried Anton on my hands. Neither do I want the stage to blow a fuse before SPF.

Everyone is in a bit of a bubble today. We are half way through the tour and, just like a marathon runner, we have hit the wall. It's painful but you know it will pass if you keep going. We all felt much better when we met Rafael and his band. They looked like they had not slept at all. That made us feel much better.

Day 9.

I wake up early and open the blinds in the bus. We are rolling into Berlin. This giant city in world history. You can smell its presence. Maybe that is why I awoke. I like to think so. Everywhere you look you can smell the wonderful, sometimes painful heritage of its past. More beautiful maybe is the sense of the future it holds. It's vibrant and happening, and the 21st century Berlin feels like a city looking forward not backwards. That feels good. SPFs drummer, Christian, has cracked a cymbal and in true rock star fashion, simply makes phone call to Switzerland {as you do} to get another one.

Myself, Christian, and Johnny Handsome jump in a cab and head for a drum store to collect another cymbal that Christians sponsor has arranged for us to pick up. I find Christian a very interesting guy. He is very educated and has an easy going, yet commanding knowledge. We collect the cymbal and hail a taxi. We decide to see something of this wonderful city. Our driver agrees to show us the sites. It is clear he feels very pleased that we have an interest in his home city and he treats us to a guided tour with the pride of a local.

The most stirring site is the Holocuast memorial by the Brandenburg Gate. As an Englishman {albeit of a French family line}} I found it most moving, and felt a huge repect for Berliners. It is a stark and imposing monument to a very dark time in Germanys history.

As we drove around it , Christian, Johnny, and myself felt all the emotions it was designed to stimulate. We sat in silence yet it was as if we could hear the voices of the millions it exists to remember. Faceless grey stones that have no shape or name but are so huge and vast they cannot be ignored or easily forgotten. It says it all really. We drove away to see the big tower that Bono stands on in the U2 video for Far Away, So Close, passing the Reichtag on the way. Bonos poetic performance was bit lost on us by this point. We all felt like better and wiser people for seeing that place.



Berlin is over sold by 150. It is a hot gig. 50 degrees on stage. Both bands have a great but tough gig under the heat. The cars have arrived. Time to go to White Trash, Berlins most 'up your own ass' friendly doorman night club. Despite having AAA. Location B, passes, all our guest are being refused entry due to sports foot wear, last years model of cellphone, or possession of an ugly girlfirend! We walk past looking embarrassed and lie that we will try to sort it out. The promotors have laid on some tables and it is also David {bass boy for SPF} birthday. He is 21 and has spent the day collecting presents from fans outside the gig. Sonny and Cher lead everyone in choruses of Swedish birthday and drinking songs. Anton & Viktor should have their own TV show, believe me! Special mention to Jonnifer, our uber camp waiter. Imagine the bass player from Spinal Tap meets the Sissor sisters! He keeps winking at Viktor.



The bands all head to Rosis, in yet another fleet of taxis paid for by the promotors, and that we get a bill for later. The rest of us head back to Guantanamo Bay on Wheels. Molotov Jive wake up to show us all photos of them sitting in a bath tub in a field….Looked like a great place… glad I didn't go.




Bremen is under siege. My courtyman Tony Blair, Frau Merkel, Fredrik Rienfeld, Dirty Jaques Chirac, and a whole host of amassadors for the badly dressed of the world, are in Bremen to talk about …well who knows? The sky is full of Hellacopters and the streets are full of fat cops. Tonight venue is spectacular. The Modernes. It's a 1930s art décor cinema and unitl 20 years ago was a porno cinema. The roof also slides off and I walk in at mid day to see blue sky though a huge circle in the roof. Spectacular and a trimuph of art over common sense. I like that!

Knoppen shows up and looks at the PA. He smiles like he's just been asked to go back to Angelia Jolies hotel room after she's had six large cocktails and bought some condoms right in front of him. Par is happy too. We all agree that, even if its sounds shit, it looks da bomb! It doesn..t and it does

Catering is interesting. It's the best since Munich and prepared by a very camp chap called Freddie, {Camp Freddie?} and his wife…Piggy. Lots of fresh Italian tomato soup, Goulash, etc. I note everyone thanking them again. It is nice to see, especially Viktor and Anton, who clearly make their presence and position known when they are around.



It is an early show tonight as there is a club night happening straight after. Knoppen is not happy as it's a big set up tonight and it is not going to be a quick load-out. Raf plays at 20.10, ten minutes after doors open. He is great again and his band are a joy to watch. Totally pro in their performances. Nothing is any big deal. It all looks like falling of a log in a river.

We have 500 kilometers to go to Lumembourg so it's a midnight bus call. I am walking from the bus to the club when the after show pizzas arrive. As I have seen 3 members of each band standing by the bus so I decide to direct them to the bus rather than the veune.

We are parked in a secure area next to the club but the wire fences that separates us from the fans some 2 metres away. The bus driver kicks off that people are using the bus toilet while we are parked and not using the venue toilet or the local bushes. Jonas is feeling like everyone else and reminds the driver just who the fuck is paying for this bus?

Carl joins in and asks the driver if he should piss infront of 200 fans behind the fence. He has a point, you have to admit. We roll out of Bremen in a bad mood. It is SPFs best show on the tour and they should be very high. We all remember that we have been living in each others house for 10 days and by the moring everyone is back to normal.

Day 10.

No one has been to Luxembourg before. I have visons of it looking like some fairy kingdom with white castles and soliders dressed liked toys. I am kind of half way. The castles and fairytle landscape are everywhere you look but no toy soldiers. Atalier is a great venue. As usual the travelling fans are there before we are. {?} and we take a walk around town. It is very French and the Luxembourgish are very proud of their heritage.

The language reminds me of Normandy French or Cockney London English. It is a soup of so many different cultures, French , Gallic, Germanic, and Hueganot Jewish. It seems a very happy and relaxed place. It is the last night of the tour and also April Fools day.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, it is the day when you play jokes on your friends. Myslef and SPF are sitting in the sunshine. We discuss possible practical jokes and decide that the funniest one would the to tape the bus driver to the front of the bus and drive home for 36 hours. Maybe his wig will blow off! Every one keeps telling Viktor that Jonnifer is coming tonight!!! He thinks we are joking but he's not sure.

Molotov do their job and set the standard for the night. It is high as always and SPF respond. During Sugarplums set Molotov Jive put on over coats and sun glasses before entering the press pit and acting like dancing paparazzi. It is tradition on tour to play some jokes on the last night. SPF enter into the spirit and pull every cartoon face you can imagine. Molotov leave the press pit and Par, SPFs manager, gives them all a high five. Its nice to know he sees the fun. The more we have got to know him, the more we have all learned from him. That is how it should be.

It is time to go. Daniel and the Luxembourgish crew are arranging an aftershow but we have 36 hours to travel and the crew need to catch their flights in Lubek at 15.00 the next day. The crowds are around the bus and Sonny and Cher once more sing the last goodbye. The cops turn up again. They take a look and decide it is just a bunch of drunken Swedes with big smiles and no malice. We climb on to Guantanamo bay once more and open Knoppens 20 year old malt whiskey. The bands are upstairs dancing to Mika and ….. well……………making lots of noise.!!!!

The bands are dancing and happy. The management and crew are sitting down stairs drinking vintage malt. Everyone is happy. Everyone agrees that it has been a good tour, not least because MJ and SPF have made it easy for us. There are not many politics between them, just professional respect and competition.

When we arrived in Lingen on the second day, we looked as if we had slept in a turnip field. When were rolled up in Stockholm 36 hours later we look like we had slept in a turnip field for a week.

Everyone will be happy to see their own homes for the first time in two weeks but there is a sadness that it is all over. Germany has certainly made Molotov Jive very welcome and the band cannot wait to get back there.

The Fine Wines and Cheeses of Bavaria. 20 gigs in 23 days

Right now I am waking up in Steyr, Austria. I think I just endured a primal scream. I am feeling much better for it. We have now been on tour for two weeks and everyone is rapidly approaching, what long distance runners call, The Wall. In 4 more days we will all hit it hard. However, that’s in the future and this blog begins two weeks ago in a Galaxy far away.


Mannheim looks like a real rough place. A dirty industrial landscape punctuated by smoke stacks and factories. Before this tour we agreed that we should buy a GPS unit. However, we are all in agreement that it will be much cheaper in Germany than in Sweden so at this point we are still traversing the highways of the Ruhr with our trusted map book. However, Mannheim isn’t in it!

We finally find the venue and it’s a big place. An old fire station no less. The day starts in the way we have come to know and enjoy about Germany. Friendly promoters, helpful staff, and good hostitality. After the usual two day travel everyone has their blood up for the first show.



Oh joy! Johnny and Oskar have found a large can of hair spray. They then spend the next 3 hours using it to set fire to anything and everything. By show time the dressing room looks like a Ku Klux Klan meeting. The letters M & J are currently burning away on the tile floor. By 21.00 there are 1500 people in and the place is rocking. It’s a great way to start the tour.


As expected, everyone wakes feeling less than healthy. Guitar tech Elija-Roc is also sporting silver Kiss make-up, sneakily applied to his face while he slept. It was me Elija-Roc!



We agree to buy the GPS today and head to Stuttgart, all the while keeping an eye open for a Saturn store to make the purchase. We head into the city and immediately run into trouble. There has been a traffic accident in the city centre and we get diverted down streets that are not in our map book. It’s taken us around 80 minutes to drive from Mannheim. It then takes us 90 minutes to find the venue. Even more annoying, we discover we drove past it, not 5 minutes after we came off the autobahn. We really should buy a GPS.

Stuttgart is another great gig. The venue is much smaller than the fire station but MJ love sweaty intimate clubs and the audience inter action always feels that much more intense. Everyone is smiling and hangovers are squashed by the adrenaline. We also meet Dino, our agent. He’s from Sicily so no one messes with him!!! Oskar’s pyrotechnic skills have improved since last night and he has also brought along his giant can of hair spray. After once more setting fire to various things in the dressing room, he decides to stand in the centre of a packed dance floor and make a flame thrower. We can’t stop laughing but the door guys look less than amused.

Today is Sunday and we have a day off. We head to Wurzburg in northern Bavaria. We have stayed here before and its a nice chilled out place to waste some time and wander around the quaint narrow streets. It’s nice easy day with a fine Italian meal and a few glasses of red wine to while away the day.



This time last year we were on tour with SPF. When we had viewed the photos from this tour everyone was in T shirts and light jackets. We left Stockholm for this current MJ tour with visions of spring and fine days. Its about 3 hours to Jena and en-route we experience snow, rain that came sideways, wind that almost blew the bus over, ice stones like golf balls, then more rain. Jena is much bigger than we expected and its f***** freezing. The venue is the Rosenkeller. It’s a huge cellar and similar to Liverpools famous Cavern Club.



MJ have a very strange support band from Finland. It’s hard to describe their sound but if you tied 10 monkeys to some metal chairs and threw them down a lift shaft, imagine the noise they would make when they hit the bottom. It was kinda like that. We wait along time for dinner and when it comes its disgusting. Under-cooked chicken and some kind of space food that looked like orange tooth paste and seemed to be made from lentils. Yak!



We are out of Jena before you can say ’Space monkeys on toast’ and once more head south through 10 types of weather in 2 hours. What is going on?

Ah! Munchen! One of our favourite places. Tonight is the Atomic Café, the coolest venue in town and our favourite place to party. We know this is going to be a good day when we walk into backstage and see the arrival catering.

It’s spectacular and full of wonderful and interesting little tapas style dishes, complimented by several room temperature bottles of Cote De Rhone. It takes us over an hour to finally load in to the club as everyone has to be dragged out of catering!! Everyone has now discovered the joy of fine red wine instead of bier and the pre gig chill out is more of an Anton Annersand Cheese and wine evening! How civilized we all are tonight. Oskar has also run out of hair spray so that’s a relief!



Tonight’s gig totally rocks. The club is full, the vibe is full of joy and the band land the sucker-punch. Anton gets dragged into the crowd at the end and everyone is on a great high. Time for a party! We finally get thrown out of the Atomic café and move to some bar around the corner for some white Russians. Everything becomes a blur.

Its 4.am and various members of MJ are banging on my hotel room door. Anton is already asleep on the floor above and he has got the keys. Everyone climbs out of my window and on to the fire escape with the intention of banging on the window to wake their sleeping front man.

I fall back to sleep for a few minutes before once more being awakened by lots of German shouting! It finally goes away and I once more fall asleep. At breakfast I discover that no-one knew which window belonged to Anton’s room so they just walked along the fire escape and banged on every window until they got the right one. It’s amazing what logic you have when you are smashed!!

We make a quick check out and head to Frankfurt. Today we will definitely buy a GPS. As we drive through the rain, snow, sunshine, tornados, frog plagues and flying elephants, we also encounter 2 hours of bad traffic and arrive in Frankfurt much later than we hoped. Once more the GPS has to go on hold and we finally arrive at Das Bett. The band does a fast sound check and head off to dinner in a local restaurant. MJ’s table is one of only two tables with people. We order and wait… and wait…..and wait. After 45 minutes we ask where the food is. After another 20 minutes we throw all the knives and forks off the table and leave to get a take-away.

It’s another good gig and after sharing a few bottles of wine with the promoter we head over to the band apartment. The promoter comes with us and gets shock when a slightly drunk and care free Anton comes marching out of the shower and across the room, totally stark naked. The promoter looks very embarrassed and almost runs for the door. Everyone spends the next ten minutes laughing their heads off.

For the last few days we have held on to the hope that the weather will finally improve. However, today we finally resign ourselves to living in a car wash. We head to Osnabruck with the rain thundering down on the roof of the bus. Thankfully there are no frog plagues or elephants today. After taking several wrong turns we finally find our hotel. It’s very cool and has an antique grand piano in the reception. We are also informed that we have access to the gym and sauna. Kleine Freiheit is great venue. It also has dog called Henry. We like him a lot although the bastard keeps eating our catering rider.

It is business as usual and we have a good gig. The band is still thinking about beer in the sauna and are keen to return to the hotel. It’s after 1a.m and I am sceptical that it will be open at this time. I say nothing. Upon returning I decide to sleep whilst the boys continue on their quest for steam and beer. In the morning Anton informs me that they had a great time in the gym and then a long sauna. I am somewhat surprised by this but happy to have been wrong.

"So it WAS open then?" I say.

"Yes" says Anton, like I am so silly to have thought anything else. I meet Johnny, Elija-Roc and Oskar at breakfast.

"Hey guess what we did last night?" says Johnny.

"What?" I reply.

"We broke in to the gym and turned on the saunas!" he laughs.

"So they were not actually open when you came back from the gig?"

"No", says Oskar. "I definitely recall breaking in to them!



We suddenly realise that Luxembourg is about 200 kilometres further than we thought. No time to hang around and no time to buy a GPS. Again! We head out once more into weather that would be more common on the moons of Jupiter and begin rowing our boat south west towards Lux.

This gig is going to prove something of a trying day.

We were supposed to be playing in Tubingem tonight but it is Easter Friday and music and liquor laws mean it has had to be cancelled. Rather than have a Friday off we book a show in Lux. However, the venue has been changed at the last moment. After the usual hour of wrong turns and getting bad directions from locals, we finally arrive at the venue. It about 15 kilometres from the city and currently under attack from those ice stones the size of golf balls.

This is a tough day. The reason for the change of venue is because of a local band festival being held there. We now have strong local competition and, unlike the local bands, we are in the middle of nowhere…in a f***** snow storm. However, to our surprise it’s an OK gig to a happy crowd. Always pleasure to see Steve, Sarah, Mandy and Lisa too. We head for the hotel straight after the show and enjoy a few glasses of red wine as we try to get warm again.

Today we see 4 counties in 4 hours. We head out of Luxembourg, travel to Strasbourg in France, then through the Black Forest of Germany to Schaffhausen in Switzerland. Like Jena, Schaffhausen is much bigger than we expected. It is full of galleries, statues, and has a distinctly bohemian feel to it and an amzing waterfall in the centre of the town.



We find Fassbeiz with only one wrong turn and then wish we had driven past it all together. As previously mentioned, this is Easter weekend and its not the best weekend of the year to be booking shows. This gig is also a fill-in show to save us having a day off and the venue sucks. However, on the positive side, Marc, the promoter is a great guy and the catering is superb. We also sink 4 bottles of local wine and flop out in the backstage until the show. Much to our surprise {again} it turns out to be a fun gig to an enthusiastic crowd and after the gig everyone is in a good mood and gets loaded on some bizarre Swiss version of Jaegermeister. We stumble back to our rented Swiss Chalet and await the hangovers.

To day is Easter Sunday. Glad Pask! We wobble out of Shaffhausen and head around Lake Bodensee towards Austria. However many times you see them, the Alps are stunning. It’s like heading into the magical kingdom of Narnia from the books by CS Lewis. You enter the tunnel and after 10 kilometres of mezmerising semi darkness you suddenly appear in this other world.

Hey, the sun is shining!

First stop is Innsbruck. By the time we reach the city it’s buried in fog and then rain but we find the venue easy enough and feel relief that the club is very much a venue for live music. It’s a good gig once more and a great crowd. Definitely the strangest support act of the tour so far. Sarah and the sad Cissies. How to describe their sound? Well Imagine if you tied 10 monkeys to some metal chairs and threw them down a lift shaft? Imagine the noise they would make when they hit the bottom.. and then set fire to them all. The Finnish band in Jena didn’t quite scream so much as monkeys on fire would scream.

Today we are heading to Wien and it’s a day off! We get the 500 kilometres out of the way and look forward to a relaxing evening and then a day without any need to travel or stress out. This happens and we enjoy a mellow night doing not much.

Today is the day of M-Js debut Vienna gig and at 11.am we really have no idea what a great day this is going to be.

We take a walk to see the city, play some football outside the city museum and, Yes! Finally buy a GPS.

We then bum around all afternoon in the confines of the very nice Atlantis hotel and do what we have done for over a week; look out of the window at mad weather and wonder if anyone will bother to come.



We head to the venue at around 17.00 and meet Thomas and David, our new agents from Nova Music. First jobs are to do press with the legendary Rock Misses. Miss Ana is our girl tonight and Anton and Anders spend an hour in her company. See www.rockmisses.com




The club is cool and by 21.00 we are quite astonished to see such a big crowd. It’s a Tuesday night in a city we have never been and it’s snowing sideways again. By 23.00 everyone is in the clouds. The show is the best since Munchen and means so much to the band as Wien is an MJ virgin until tonight. Tonight it lost its cherry and the party goes on until around 6.am. Earlier in the night we met this mad girl called Sandra with arms full of tattoos and a boyfriend who looked like Marylin Manson. She is totally bananas but so much fun and informs us she owns a skate clothes shop in Vienna. She steals the limelight at every opportunity and informs the band they have to come to her shop before they leave town and take some clothes.

At 11.am we began the journey west towards Zurich but decide to swing buy the skate shop to see if she was just talking drunk speak. In the next hour we realise we have made real true friends of Sandra and her husband Oliver. True to her word, she tells the band to take anything they want and seems intent on getting everyone drunk before they even leave town. We finally head off with new shirts, jeans and jackets, and this wonderfully mad-ass couple waving us off from the sidewalk. We programme the GPS and wonder how we ever got by without it.



After a day off in Innsbruck we head to Zurich. The Longstreet is situated in quite a sleazy part of town. It's quite refreshing as you always think of Zurich as been banks, rich people, and high end department stores.

The venue is small but pretty cool and we have a pole dancing pole in the dressing room. Dinner is fabulous and the show is fun. Lots of eccentric people in Zurich I think.

It's back to Austria today. Kufstein, wherever the F*** that is? No need to worry, we have a GPS! Just enter the address and sit back. How the hell did we ever manage without it? We arrive in glorious sunshine once more and meet tonight's support act, Nelson. They are from Paris and have more equipment than U2. The venue is a typical European Kulturhaus. Big, well equipped, and more like a school than a club. We drink some wine and then eat a distgusting meal of schnitzel and pomme frites. Obviously the club have not read the rider as it says NO French Fries. Maybe the support band have insisted. Nelson are very French art rock. Part Franz Ferdinand, part Hot Chip, part pretentious bollocks, but nice guys and fun.



MJ have a good show once more and 2 encores. We are all feeling the pace right now and head back to our Pension. Tonight we are staying in an Austrian Farm. It looks like it should be on the front of a box of chocolates and is complete with cows and horses. We stumble in the door and take second to view the family photos that are hanging in the hall. We have met the farmers wife and she is pretty and friendly. We now spot her wedding photo and get a look at her husband. We all agree that his mother must have married her brother. Next to their wedding day photo is a picture of the husband with his prize stud bull. He looks more proud with the bull. We then spend ten minutes laughing like school boys and taking photos of the photos! Everyone enjoys the peace and silence of a night on an Austrian farm, all except Oskar who just complains that everywhere smells of shit. Little does he know that in only a few hours he will smell very similar.



Three hours later we arrive in the Austrian city of Steyr. Like everywhere in the Tyrol, it's beautiful. Oskar has stopped complaining about the smell of cow shit and is now upset that Anton has just screwed him out of 30 euros whilst gambling. Oskar my dear friend, when will you realise that he cheats?



After load-in we take walk in this pretty city. Oskar is still bitching and the Bean decides on a solution. Oskar can have his 30 euro back if he takes a dare. The fool agrees. Like most of southern Europe Steyr looks like it has seen lots of rain in recent weeks. Today is a sunny day but the cities azure blue river has huge lakes of muddy flood water on both banks of the river. Oskar has to strip off and dive in to the dirtiest and most disgusting pool of water. Now, dear reader, when I say pool, it is about 2 metres deep and 10 metres across.

Oskar shows no fear. Within seconds he is down to his red Bjorn Borgs and face down in the mud and the blood and the beer. That man will do anything for a bet. Truly off his kadooba!



It feels like a long day before show time but it goes off well and it's another double encore show. We open yet more vino and chat with fans backstage until 6.am. Now came the primal scream. Life is now in focus once more.

It's the final stop in Austria. We head 480 kilometres to Lustenau. Where? ..That is what we said too.



How to describe this place? Twin peaks meets the village of the damned, meets Sleepy Hollow.



We even have to cross a thin wooden bridge and stop until a very mean looking chicken crossed the road in front of the bus. Lustenau is full of amazing houses.



Modern flat roofed condos that look like they were designed by silver haired men in black polo necked shirts and glasses with yellow glass in them.

The venue is pretty cool but the organization is crap. The food is late, the sound man is deaf and, apart from the travelling Mollies, the crowd are obviously all taking mogadon or some other heavy duty anti depressant. I guess that they must need them to live in Lustenau. We are once again joined by Nelson and they once again treat us to a wall of quacking duck noises, sharp guitars, and avant-gard squeaking. We leave pretty quick and head to our mad looking hotel. It looks like a yellow sugar cube and has a swimming pool the size of Lake Geneva. Just like everything else in Lustenau, it looks like it cost zillions of euro.




We finally return to Germany and head for Laundau. It's a university city in the south west and we have played Fatal before. Anton, Johan and Elija-Roc go long boarding while the rest of us do the emailing and chill out. The gig is fun. The support band are yet more screamo noise niks, and we finish off by getting totally fucked up on Jaegermeister. Johnny ends up dancing on box. Bed by 5.am.



The journey to Dortmund is tough. We leave Landau in sunshine but arrive in Dortmund in the now familiar climate of rain from hell and wind like a hurricane. We now have lightening and thunder to make it more interesting. FZW is a good venue. The crew are friendly and we climb out the bus and hit the wall. This is the point were you physically have no more to give. You are drained beyond belief and the smallest wrong word can start an almighty argument. The gig is OK. The rain has affected the crowd but what the hell. It's respectable and MJ nail the crowd from song one. We then have to drive 12 kilometres to the hotel. {Whose stupid idea was that?}



Now things get scary. We are greeted by a very odd little man who looks like he is a serial killer. We smile and run away to our rooms where we sleep for 10 hours. Overnight the wall gets that little bit smaller. During the night I get up to find some water and encounter the owner standing in the dark on the stairs. He gives me a weird smile and says hello. I meet Johnny at breakfast and we once more encounter our stange host. He pours me an orange juice and I drink it in one go. He refills my glass without asking and I once more drink it straight down. He fills me up for a third time. He trying to drown me in Orange juice I am sure. He then proceeds to stand behind my chair for the hole of breakfast. Johnny asks him what time we have to check out. The man does not understand. We point at watches and make walking signs with out fingers. He still does not understand. This goes on for 15 minutes. Finally we give up and run away.



Today is Cologne and, yes, you have guessed it, It's pouring with rain once more. It is nice to have such a short dive today. Just 90 minutes. We arrive at Underground just after lunch and spend the day seeing the sites of Cologne.





Cologne is a fun show and totally out of character, Anton has drunk one too many glasses of wine before the gig. He is completely off his head and bouncing around the stage like a mad person. He comes off into back stages and says 'God! I am soooo pissed! before bursting out laughing and dancing out of the room.

We decided on a relatively quiet evening and most people are crashed out by 3.am. It is nearly the end of the tour and everyone wants to charge the batteries for the finale in Bremen. Another short journey today.



We head to Paderborn and check in to our hotel. We discover that the hotel has changed owners in the last few days and there is no record of our reservation. The new owner is cool and hands over some room keys and says he will sort it out with the promoter. The CUBE in Paderborn is a cool venue. The staff are really friendly and look after everyone and we look forward to a pretty easy evening. Around 18.00 the support act turn up. I can't even remember their name except it had the word Blue in it.



How would I describe their sound? If you tied ten Monkeys to some metal chairs and…..No, not this time!!



This time it was more about the way they looked. Dwarf King, Gimley, was on the Bass and the front man also had some very middle earth features. The drummer is left handed but right footed!! This means he has to dismantle Johnny's drum kit and put all the drums in some very bizarre order so he can play them.

However, the most irritating little fucker in their party is their merchandise seller. We later discover he is also their show booker. He sets up their merchandise on the stage as if its keyboards or something. He then sits there all though their set, singing, dancing, and playing air-piano on his march table. He so wants to be in the band. He finally joins the band on stage and sings back-up on their last few songs. What a desperate attention seeker he is and in an hour or so he will pay for it.

MJ have a great gig. Everyone seems to have found some energy again and the show is a lot of fun. 30 minutes after it is over we are all chilling in the dressing room by the stage. Outside some irritating prick is on the stage banging a snare drum in time to the record that is playing. This goes on for the next 3 or 4 tracks and is now getting on everyone's nerves. Anton and I take a look out of the door and, yes, you guessed it. It's our attention seeking, air-piano playing merch guy with his bad Emo haircut. He's marching around on the stage banging a snare drum and acting like some retarded cheerleader. Anton gestures to him to give it up but he takes no notice.

MJ's front man then finds an empty coke bottle and throws it towards Mr Annoying in the hope that it will get his attention. Once more he just ignores it and carries on banging his drum. Time for some direct action I think. I look around the dressing room and spot a big jar of seafood mayonnaise. It's nice and orange and very smelly. I remove the lid and walk out on to the stage. The drumming Monkey is now sitting on a chair at the front of the stage and annoying the dancers. I walk up behind him and empty the whole jar over his head.

He is not happy..Not one bit! There is big cheer and once our drumming monkey has wiped it out of his eyes he comes flying into the dressing room.

He mistakenly thinks Anton was culprit and tries to start something. I gently let him know it was me and he thinks twice about the situation before heading off to the men toilets to wash his hair!

We then discover why the hotel had no reservation for us. We have booked into the wrong hotel!! We decide to keep quiet about it as it's a nice hotel.


We are now on the home run. Tonight is Leer. The GPS leads the way and once more we have time to check in to the hotel and chill for while before heading the short distance to the venue. Tonight is another great gig. No one really expected too much from this show but it's a good crowd and they are dancing from the first chords of Made in Spain.

As some of you know MJ recently did some shows with The Enemy. During these dates we heard a dance remix of their new single 'This Song' We all really loved it and managed to get the contact of the Enemy's re mix guy. Since the beginning on this tour we have been in possession of a dance/trance remix of Made in Spain. Big thanks to the excellent Cat Burglar for doing this for us. We have given it a few plays during the tour and as soon as MJ finish tonights gig its on the sound system again. A quick mention of Anne from Munster. She was freaking out to it so much she fell over and ended up in the hospital with a busted ankle and torn ligaments. What are you like girl?

Today it finishes. 20 shows in 23 days. 10.000 kilometres, 300 litres of red wine, 500 litres of beir and 1000 packets of Marlboro lites. At least that is how it feels. We sleep late and have an easy drive to Bremen.

We are early once again and Oskar spots a womans rugby match going on in a local park. We decide to stop and watch but quickly decide that women who play rubgy are not the most feminine creatures on Gods earth and we soon get bored of watching them bounce and wobble across the muddy pitch. We arrive at the venue and get a nice surprise.

Those fine people at Levis have left us a box full of new jeans and t-shirts. By 21.30 Lila Eule is packed. The Hamburg posse has also arrived, Candy Darling, Anja, Hanna, Felix, Nicola, and a whole gang of other people we know and love. It feels like a party and everyone is up for it. {All except Hanna who is so smashed the doorman won't let her in until after MJ play} No change there then!

It's a great night and the perfect way to close the tour. The venue is packed, the audience are dancing from the start and the air is full of joy and happiness. MJ invite Elija–Roc to play guitar on the encore. He has done a great job on this tour and it's a nice way to finish.

Within an hour the stage is clear and the bus is parked up at the hotel. What happened next? Who knows? everyone got too toasted to remember. Lots of Becks and lots of Polish vodka on the rocks I think.

MJ now have the nice prospect of being up at 7.am for the 1100 kilometre drive back to Stockholm while I head to the UK. Everyone is seriously in need of rest now. I spend the next 2 hours sitting in a bar in Bremen airport, watching the Grand Prix, reading my newspaper and chatting with a German guy who is waiting the arrival of his wife. I completely unaware that Elija Roc has had his revenge on me. It is only when I visit the mens room that I see I have Swastikas drawn all over my face with silver magic marker. Bizarrely, the German guy doesn't mention it during the whole two hours